When a parent is diagnosed with cancer, children often sense that something has changed before anyone explains it. They notice the quiet phone calls, medical appointments, changes in routine and worry on the faces around them.
Honest, age-appropriate communication can help children feel safer. So can maintaining familiar routines, giving them manageable ways to participate and ensuring they still have opportunities for friendship, fun and ordinary childhood experiences.
Jeremy’s Circle has supported children and teens growing up with cancer or cancer loss in their families since 2008. This guide combines established recommendations with what we have learned from families in our community.
Children cope differently, but five things are particularly important:
Children do not need parents to have every answer. They need to know that they can ask questions, express difficult feelings and rely on the adults around them to keep them informed and cared for.
Cancer affects the whole family. While much of the attention understandably focuses on the person receiving treatment, children can be left emotionally “in the waiting room.”
They may overhear conversations without fully understanding them, see physical changes caused by treatment or become worried by a parent’s absence. Some children imagine a situation that is even more frightening than the truth. Others avoid asking questions because they do not want to upset their parents.
Young children may believe that something they said, did or thought caused the illness. Older children and teenagers may take on additional household responsibilities or try to hide their fears to protect the adults around them.
A child’s distress may not always look like sadness. It can appear as anger, clinginess, sleep problems, physical complaints, difficulty concentrating, withdrawal or changes at school. At the same time, many children continue playing, laughing and spending time with friends. Having fun does not mean that they do not understand or care.
Choose a relatively calm, private time when you will not be rushed. If possible, plan what you want to say with the other adults involved in the child’s care.
Use the word “cancer” and explain it simply. Using vague descriptions such as “Mom is sick” can make younger children fearful whenever anyone becomes ill.
You might say:
“Mom has an illness called cancer. The doctors are treating her. The medicine may make her very tired, and she may need to spend time at the hospital. You did not cause the cancer, and you cannot catch it from her. We will keep telling you what we know, and you can always ask us questions.”
Try to explain:
Avoid promising that the parent will definitely recover. Instead, offer reassurance that is both honest and dependable:
“We do not know everything yet, but the doctors are doing everything they can. Whatever happens, you will be cared for, and we will face this together.”
The first conversation does not need to cover everything. Children often process difficult information gradually. Give them time to return with questions, and let them know that the conversation can continue.
The American Cancer Society’s guidance for families also recommends sharing truthful information in manageable amounts and preparing children for changes they are likely to see.
Age matters, but so do personality, maturity and previous experiences. Two children of the same age may need very different amounts of information and support.
Young children understand the world through routines, play and what they can see happening around them. Use short, concrete explanations and focus primarily on what will happen next.
It may help to:
Some young children temporarily return to behaviors they had previously outgrown. They may become more clingy, have trouble sleeping, or need additional reassurance. Respond with patience and consistency.
School-age children usually understand more about illness and may want detailed explanations. They may also look for information online or hear frightening and inaccurate information from friends.
It may help to:
Children this age sometimes worry that enjoying themselves is disloyal to the sick parent. Remind them directly that playing, laughing, and spending time with friends are healthy and welcome.
Teenagers generally understand the seriousness and uncertainty of cancer. They may worry about death, finances, changes in the family or their own future. Some ask many questions; others withdraw or act as though nothing is wrong.
It may help to:
Do not assume that silence means a teenager is coping well. Teens sometimes avoid sharing their fears because they are trying to protect their parents.
Routine provides an anchor when much of family life feels unpredictable. School, extracurricular activities, family traditions, and time with friends can give children a sense of continuity and safety.
Maintaining routine does not mean ignoring the cancer. It means protecting the parts of childhood that continue to provide stability, identity and joy.
Even small rituals can help:
Children also need permission to take a break from cancer. Time spent playing, laughing, or trying something new can provide welcome relief from the worry at home.
A child whose parent has cancer may feel that no one else truly understands. Friends can be caring and supportive, but they may not know what to say or may have no experience of serious illness in a family.
Meeting someone who has been through something similar can make a child feel less unusual and less alone. Children do not necessarily need to sit in a circle and discuss their feelings to experience that connection. It can develop naturally while they are hiking, eating, creating, playing or simply spending time together.
A 2025 qualitative study published in BMC Psychology interviewed 17 adolescents and young adults who had experienced a parent’s cancer during adolescence. Participants emphasized the value of age-appropriate communication and opportunities to connect with peers. Many preferred support that combined conversation with shared outings or creative activities.
The study was small and should not be treated as proof that one approach works for every child. Its findings nevertheless reflect something we have seen repeatedly at Jeremy’s Circle: shared experience can remove the pressure to explain.
Jeremy’s Circle was inspired in part by a very simple request. When her father, Jeremy, had cancer, his young daughter Zoe wanted a playdate with another girl who also had a father with cancer. Finding that connection was surprisingly difficult.
Since 2008, we have watched friendships form among children and teens whose families are living through cancer or cancer loss. Our experience has taught us that:
Jeremy’s Circle creates opportunities for children and teens to enjoy activities, build friendships and meet others who understand their family reality. Our programs include family fun days, teen activities, Jeremy’s Trekkers and Camp Jeremy.
Jeremy’s Circle is a community-based, non-therapeutic organization. Our activities complement, but do not replace, professional emotional or mental-health care.
Learn more about Jeremy’s Circle
When a parent has cancer, people often say, “Let me know if you need anything.” A family under pressure may not have the energy to identify and coordinate that help.
Specific offers are easier to accept:
Children benefit from spending time with dependable adults who treat them warmly and normally. Listen without pressing them to talk. Avoid asking them for medical updates or expecting them to comfort adults.
Rather than saying “Be strong” or “Everything happens for a reason,” try:
“I’m here for you. You can talk to me, but we can also just spend time together.”
Practical support can help preserve the child’s routine while easing some of the pressure on the family.
Temporary changes in mood or behavior can be an understandable response to a parent’s cancer. Consider consulting a professional when changes are intense, worsening, affecting the child’s everyday functioning or continuing longer than expected.
Possible signs that a child may need additional help include:
If a child talks about self-harm, appears unsafe, or is unable to function normally, seek professional help promptly.
A pediatrician, the parent’s oncology social worker, a school counselor, or a child psychologist can help the family determine what support is appropriate. Parents can also ask the oncology team about services available through the hospital or community.
Jeremy’s Circle supports children and teens across Israel who are growing up with cancer or cancer loss in their immediate families.
Through family fun days, teen events, outdoor experiences, and Camp Jeremy, children have opportunities to:
Our purpose is not to make children talk about cancer. It is to create a warm, welcoming environment in which they can have fun, form genuine connections and know that they are not alone.
Explore upcoming Jeremy’s Circle events or learn about our programs for teens.
Tell the truth in clear, age-appropriate language. Reassure the child that they did not cause the cancer, cannot catch it and will continue to be cared for. Explain what is likely to change and what will remain the same.
In most cases, yes. Using the correct word helps prevent confusion and distinguishes cancer from ordinary illnesses such as a cold. Keep the explanation simple and repeat it as needed.
It is okay to say that you do not know. Explain what the doctors are doing and promise to share information as it becomes available. Reassure the child that adults are making plans to ensure they will always be cared for.
Yes. Children often move in and out of difficult feelings. Playing or laughing does not mean they are unaffected or do not care. Enjoyable activities are an important part of maintaining childhood and coping with stress.
It can. Peer connection may reduce isolation and give children the experience of being understood without having to explain everything. Some children connect through conversation; others connect more naturally during shared activities.
No. Jeremy’s Circle is a community-based, non-therapeutic organization. We provide opportunities for fun, friendship, and connection. Families who need clinical or therapeutic support should consult their medical team, social worker, school counselor, or a qualified mental-health professional.
Jeremy’s Circle welcomes families in Israel with children and teens growing up with cancer or cancer loss in their immediate family. Families can contact us to learn more about the community and upcoming activities.
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This article provides general information and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health advice. Families concerned about a child’s well-being should consult an appropriately qualified professional.
Sources and further reading